For What it's Worth

I had thrown back a couple of beers and found myself pacing back and forth through the crowd and gallery. I had donated a painting for auction. In front of all of the donations sheets of paper were taped to a counter and people wrote their names and bids. Eighty dollars seemed to be the average and I didn't want to know I had pulled any less than that. I hadn't worked hard on my painting and I wasn't particularly proud of it, but I was as self conscious and selfish as anyone else. I would drink a beer. Pace through the gallery. Head back to the bar and get another beer. It took less for me to propose to Marie. I stood in the doorway and smiled and nodded as people passed me. I decided I'd try again in an hour or so and headed outside for air.

William was outside. His band was playing later in the evening and he was smoking and talking to a girl we both knew. He looked a mess in a way girls love and employers hate and I didn't think it was an act. He leaned in a brick doorway and saw me and nodded. I nodded back and walked over. 

"Hey man, how are you?" he asked.

"All right. Holly, how are you?" I asked the girl.

"Not bad. I saw you have a painting up for auction."

"Yeah," William said. "Looks good man."

"Let's not talk about that," I said. "I've never done this before."

"Done what?" Holly asked.

"Displayed my shit."

"Oh, you're nervous?" William asked.

"No, I just, I don't want to know how much it's worth to people, you know?"

"Oh, I get it," William said. "But you know, it doesn't matter. You didn't paint it to pay the rent, you know?"

"Yeah."

"Have you looked at the bid sheet?" Holly asked.

"No. I've been avoiding it."

"Oh," she said. "I'll be right back." She turned and left and went into the gallery.

"She's going to go see," William said.

"I know."

"You want a smoke, man?" 

"Please."

He pulled one out and handed it to me. "Need a light?"

"Yeah."

He patted his pockets. "Oh yeah. Holly lit mine." He looked over my shoulder. "Here she comes."

I turned. "You have a light?" I asked her.

"I thought you didn't smoke." 

"Tonight I do."

"Okay." she pulled a lighter from her purse and handed it to me. I lit my cigarette and I almost immediately regretted it. I tried to wash the taste out with the last of my beer.

"So, you want to know?" she asked.

"Not really."

"I know," she said. "I'd be happy."

I took another drag. 

"Is it over a hundred?"

She laughed. "No. Nothing in there is. Not even the huge Xena portrait."

"I saw that," William said. "I was going to bid on it."

"Were you going to bid on mine?" I asked. 

"Unfair."

"Sorry."

"It's near a hundred," Holly said.

"That's good enough for me. Don't tell me details."

"Okay."

William finished his cigarette and threw it to the ground. "I have to set up. See you inside?"

"Of course."

"All right. See you Holly." 

She waved and William walked inside. "I'd bid on it, but I don't have any money."

"Fair enough."

"It's better than I expected."

"Thanks Holly."

"High five?" she asked.

I gave her a high five and later paintings were selling for two hundred or more and my painting sold for less than a hundred and even though I pretended to not care, I did. I hadn't worked hard on my painting and I wasn't particularly proud of it, but I was as self-conscious and selfish as anyone else. I mumbled to myself all the way to the car.