Falls (Pt. 12): Tangled and Unruly

28.

I wanted to forget writing. I wanted to sit around and drink and fuck my girls and paint and burn out the summer but I paced around the kitchen. I sat in the attic. I stood in the shower mumbling back stories and character names and heartbreak and it wouldn't shut off. 

Breaks from the noise would come. In drinks or girls or sleep but the noise was never far. 

I had something coming out. I was in contractions. I had the hospital on speed dial. I had a diaper bag packed and I was waiting for the water.

I paced around the kitchen and sat in the attic and mumbled to myself in the shower.

29.

Bev was at the bar. Marie had her hair up and was sitting on the floor of the living room dabbing chunks of black over a blue and white canvas and Nick Cave played soft on the stereo. I was two bottles of wine in and my body was electric and numb and I felt all right. I felt no deadlines. I felt no contracts. I felt no stress. No  marriage. No worry. Nick Cave sang of microscopic cogs and I was pacing and talking to myself and Marie nodded her head to the music.

"...but he wakes up. Wife's gone. It's been years. You know. Just, an eternity really," I said.

"Yep," Marie said, having no idea what I was saying.

"I mean, people are always like 'I'd wait' or whatever. You know. Like they should wait and just forget themselves. Like I'd know the fucking difference.  I'm in a fucking coma, you know."

"Yep."

"So, like, what the fuck do I care? Go fuck somebody. I'm as good as dead. So fucking what. But, I don't know, try not to get AIDS or whatever. I might wake up."

"Mmmhmm."

"So he wakes up, forever has come and gone. You know, the world has just, moved on. Whatever. It's gone. He wakes up, world's gone, she's gone." I sat on the couch and drank from my glass. "What do you think?"

"Sure."

"Sure?"

"Yep."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know... I..." She twisted around and looked at me. "What?"

"I was talking to you."

"Oh, sorry. I was in the painting."

"Oh. Right on."

"What did you say?" she asked.

"Nothing. It's fine. Just rambling, I guess."

She gave a puzzled look. "You sure?"

"Yeah."

"All right." She twisted back to her painting. 

Bev burst into the room. "Fuck. Guys. Hi."

"Hi Bev," Marie said and laughed.

Bev's hair was tangled and unruly. Her make up was everywhere.

"You all right?" Marie asked.

I drank from my glass. 

"Um. Yes." She spoke quick and in bursts. "Listen. Let's get stoned." She rifled through her purse. "You know, maybe kitchen."

"Okay," Marie said.

"Sure," I said.

We went in the kitchen, not that it mattered, and sat around the table. Bev pulled two joints out of her cigarette pack, lit both together and passed one to Marie and one to me.  

Nick Cave went on in the living room and after the rotation took over (Me, Marie, Bev, with two joints in play), I was glad for it. 

"So you guys are painting, or, you know..." Bev said.

"Yeah, I don't know what it is yet though. Pissing me off."

"You all right Bev?" I asked.

"Yeah, listen, I don't know. This guy downtown. He gave me this fucking pill but I mean, he was a fucking asshole, you know, giving pills and shit to girls or whatever I mean, I just came home. I was like, you know, where's you guys? I just wanted to you know, you guys wouldn't fucking pill me up."

"Yeah we would Bev," I said.

She nodded. "Yeah, well, I know, but that's fine you guys, you know. You're mine. My guys. You know. You're not going to be a fucking villain or horrible. I love you. You know. So, I was like, where's you guys."

"Maybe you should take a shower, Bev," Marie said.

I agreed.

"Oh, yeah. Fuck," she laughed. "Don't I know it. I mean, I saw my fucking face. I don't know I don't..." Bev stood up. She took both joints and pulled off of them together. "I was hoping the fucking pot would calm me down. Marie, uh, you know, just hang out with me for a bit?"

"Sure hon," Marie said.

"Okay. James, I mean, I love you too, I don't think, I mean, I don't want you to think, but you know, women know, you know?" She bent over and kissed my forehead. "My dude," she said and then stumbled through and out of the kitchen.

"Jesus," I said.

"Yeah." Marie looked worried. I had no idea what Bev had taken but we both knew we'd be up for the rest of the night.

I switched to cognac and marie made a pot of coffee.

I wished we had a television in the house but I had thought it would have killed the "romance". Whatever the fuck that meant.