Walking in Snow.

It snowed that night. A good nor-easter as they call them. I enjoy walking in storms like that. The glow of the street lamps and the low visibility and somehow the snowfall is warmer than the still winter. It was past midnight and we were walking in it. In the thick of it. Marie and I.

The snow falling tickled my face. I had drank a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon before and we had heard the snow was coming late at night so I watched Star Trek and drank and waited. When it came Marie was tired but we hadn't walked in the blizzards all winter.

"Can we walk now?" I asked.

"You're the most manipulative motherfucker I know."

"Not if you realize I'm manipulating you."

"I didn't say you were good at it."

We put our coats and hats and gloves on.

On the ground the snow was still light. It hadn't yet built or accumulated like the weathermen say. It was small and thin and light still and as far as walks in blizzards go I knew I was jumping the gun but it was March now and I knew I wouldn't have another chance to see the walls of flakes and the glow of streetlamps refracted through a million billion shards.

I was drunk, even though I didn't actually want to be then. I wanted to see it and like years before experience it as it was and I knew Marie didn't actually want to be there. She wanted to be in bed. Listening to the television as she closed her eyes and the cat crawled over us and falling asleep. I wanted to walk. I wanted to explore. I wanted to see the snow. 

"It's beautiful," I said as slowly as I walked.

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know. Nearest open gas station? Pick up a twenty two for the walk home?" I was finishing the twelfth beer and was out after that except for a bottle of white wine Marie had in the fridge. I dislike white wine greatly and also it gave us a mission, so that's what I said. The nearest gas station.

"What time is it? Is anything still open?"

I tried to reach for my phone in my pocket but my glove was too thick so I took it off and tried again. My phone said it was one thirty in the morning. I told Marie.

"Everything's closed," she said.

"Okay. We'll just walk around the block."

I kept slipping. I said it was ice under the thin snow but I was drunk. Only drunk where you realize it in the morning when you check your phone for outgoing messages and pictures and not drunk where you think to yourself in a blizzard 'I think I'm drunk, maybe I should go home,' but that happens too sometimes.

I reached for Marie's hand and she gave it to me. For a few yards we walked hand in hand but then I slipped and she took it back. "You're drunk," she said.

"I know. Only a little."

"That's why you're slipping everywhere."

"It's the ice," I said.

"Sure."

We walked past the elementary school in our neighborhood and I felt vaguely nostalgic for a moment. I thought about a picture of me in my second grade yearbook. I had shaggy brown hair because my mother cut my hair every six months. I had a batman tee shirt. I had white stonewashed jeans. I was smiling wide. I thought about second grade and for only a moment I...

I could see the parking lot of the gas station now. It was dark. It must have been closing in on two in the morning now and it was surely closed. I thought that it probably closed somewhere around ten but I wanted to be sure. I could walk to the twenty-four hour grocery store just a few blocks further but my brain said "NO. DON'T MAKE EXCUSES. YOU KNOW WHAT PERSON MAKES EXCUSES." I knew and I didn't make excuses and I turned the corner away from the gas station and back to the house. 

"I think Star Trek makes an incredibly valid argument," I said.

"What?"

"I mean, we have this mentality lately, or I mean, I think we do, that unless everything is totally accounted for, all safety and precaution and hugs and shit, we shouldn't take chances."

"I guess."

""But Star Trek, in general, shows us that, well, you have to crack a few eggs."

"I'm not sure I follow," she said.

"Well, every crew, the original series crew. Picard and company. the DS-9 crew. Archer and everyone. Everyone. They all face these fucking perils. Sometimes people die. The new movie, for example. First scene. Kirks dad sacrifices himself to save, what is it? Eight hundred people? They crack some fucking eggs man. For what? The greater goddamned good."

"Sure. Yeah. Without that what type of show would it be."

"A boring one. That's not my point though. I watched a documentary once about how Star Trek had influenced cell phone development and a bunch of other shit and I was thinking that maybe we've overlooked the main idea, the 'prime directive' of Star Trek."

"Which is?"

"Sometimes you gotta crack a few eggs."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You want to explore the galaxy? Someone is going to die. You want to engage in negotiations with another race? Someone's going to die. You want to advance technology? Some is going to fucking die. It's no wonder that races like the Aztecs or Mayans thought that human sacrifice was so necessary. You want progress? Give blood mother fuckers."

"What are you talking about?"

Snow had found its way into the hole in my shoe. I moved it around with my foot and it melted quickly but then my foot was cold for a moment.

"I... I don't know. I thought I was onto something."

"Okay."

"Will you hold my hand again? It's all I want right now."

"Sure honey."

She took my hand and I thought I was on to something. Then I thought about her hand in mine and thought I was on to something else.