Donut Has it Figured Out

It is morning. Earlier than I prefer. I've been awake for hours, one sleep cycle through the night. Wake up, sit up, close my eyes and clear my mind. Begin the day fresh and without the pulse and usual storm of fears and questions.

The room is dim and the air is cool. Summer was here but now is at the door, slipping on its shoes, coat, hat. It's been nice catching up, but I have to be going.

At a table with coffee. Laptop. The cat asleep and dreaming, gently twitching and moaning next to me. Long hours ahead for the rest of the week and so I take this moment of quiet to look for work in a new city, in a new state, in a new life.

I've never been happy standing still. One day into the next and look now I'm older and nothing has changed. They put a new restaurant downtown and isn't it lovely that we are all growing old and apart? Same bar stools. Same walks around the block. Constant and immeasurable fade of light behind our eyes. We got a dog. We got a house. We got a raise. We have a life. Over and over, around and around.

I've never been happy standing still.

"That will change, you'll want to settle."

I'm nearly forty now. I may become too tired to keep moving, but I doubt I will ever want to settle. Big world, short life.

That isn't to say I'm not envious. To see people who want to get married, who want to buy a house. Who want to spend decades building a career and die accomplished in those three things. I am. I don't care for those things, or to be more clear, I don't care for what they symbolize, but I long for the simplicity of the dream.

The cat is awake now and stretches and goes about cleaning himself. The bell around his neck chimes faint as he does and I watch. I read an article recently about cats and telepathy and I try to send him a message but he doesn't hear it and in my mind I call him a donut but he doesn't care and turns to face the window and lays down.

Donut. Has it figured out.


Sending resumes. More kitchen work. Not what I would choose to do, but it is easy to come by.



Keep moving.